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Crazy how I want to cry but can't feel these tears felt anymore. Quite the misery isn't it? I mean I want to go away! Far away. But the only place I can barely make it to is my bed. The irony of it. You know that feeling when you know that you're useless. There's nothing you can do about it, but just sit there while you watch everyone else leave you and grow. Not that you want them to not grow, but the feeling where you want to grow but there's nothing you can do about it. It's just very difficult to even think. How the pain racks your bones. The mockery of my existence. I don't know why I waschoseto exist when all I ever have been is nothing but disappointment. I mean, why do I have to get up every day knowing that it's going to be the same? Same nothing new. Have you any idea what's it like to go around knowing that you'regonnabe as useless as ever? There's nothing that'sgonnamake you happy? How much have I tried???? There's nothing that I haven't done. I did everything I could. Bought myself things, expensive things. But I just realised that to use them that talent, I don't have that kind of talent. I am nothing but trash waiting to be officially discarded. I don't even know how I feel about it anymore. Sad? No. Just helpless, it's like Iwannado so much but the only thing I can do is procrastinate and overthink. There's nothing left for me to do. I've given myself every kind of therapy. And quite frankly I don't see a way out. I mean there's only one way out, isn't it.? I'm not afraid of doing it, it's just the thought of these people around me that makes mewannadelay it. But then I start thinking, if I do it today. It'sgonnabe on their on minds for a while and then they'regonnamove on, I mean they've got to do it. There's nothing else they can do. They've got to let go of me after all. I mean I'm doing it for me, but mostly for them,I hope they understandMaybe they can finally get their life's back. It'sgonnahurt alittlemaybe. But they'll finally understand why I did it. Hopefully, they do. I'm not a coward. I mean what I've got to be cowardly about?? I'm just fed up about it. Can't do it anymore. I'm losing that little grip I've had on life and everything else. I'm done. And dare I say no regrets.
BY OCULUS